The Quest To Find “Self”

Although, not in a philosophical way. This quest is simpler* than that. This is a game of hide and seek, borderline sexism, and wordplay. The viewers at home can play along and the best part is, there are no wrong answers. I will tell you of a round I hosted, judged, and ended up with no answers and then you can host this game yourself.

Level 1: Confusion

To begin with, we think of a sentence that begins with two people, and then add an action that is done by “self”. Then we figure out who the “self” is. Simple enough, yeah?

Not really.

Here is an example: I request you to make tea for self. In English, the sentence is ambiguous because the sentence does not allow “self” to stand by itself and requires you to impose who the self is. (English exemplarily is an uncooperative player.) That leads to you specifying that the tea is either being made for “yourself” or you’d remove the self altogether and make it “me” and that is too selfish of the sayer. However, when we look at the sentence in a language that has a word for self that is nongendered, nonnumbered, and can stand by itself, things get really interesting.

Maine tumse apne liye chai banane ko kaha.

“I asked you to make tea for self.”

Now the game is afoot, Watson!

What we have here is pure ambiguity. We do not know if I asked you to make tea for me, or to make tea for yourself. Most likely context matters here. If I was younger than you, you would assume that I am asking you to make tea for yourself as I would not ask an elder person to make tea for me. But the keyword here is “assume”. You have no way of knowing what my intention was, without knowing of the context that the sentence was said in. Who was the conversation between? What is the socio-cultural background? Everything becomes a factor in determining “self” then, and like the philosophical question that one finds themselves late at night when plagued by insomnia, this quest to find the easier “self” becomes a hard one too.

Tough choice, eh? Remember, no wrong answers. Your intuition is the king here. The paramount, the owner of the lamp. But just like Who Wants to be a Millionaire, after the first question is answered, we take you to a harder question.

te de deeeeen 

*dramatic lighting*

*heartbeats*

Level 2: Not Enough Variables

The sentence we played before was too… straightforward. Remember we talked about socio-cultural context? When it was just the two of us, the socio-cultural complexity was manageable. But what if we add socio-cultural complexity to the sentence. Ooo now we are talking. Let’s think of all the socio-cultural complexities that we can think of and introduce them here. 

Familial complexity?

Pita-ne Bete-se apne liye chai banane ko kaha.

“The father asked the son to make tea for self”

How about we take inspiration from soap operas?

Bahu-ne saas-se apne liye chai banane ko kaha

“The daughter-in-law asked the mother-in-law to make tea for self”

ssssaucyy

Is the feminist in you fired up now?

Pati-ne Patni-se apne liye chai banane ko kaha

“The husband asked the wife to make tea for self”

Let’s simplify the complexity a bit before the pitchforks are out. Let’s go with the good old, fan-favourite, soap opera inspired tale as old as time. A boy and a girl.

Rahul-ne Ruchi-se apne liye chai banane ko kaha.

“Rahul asked Ruchi to make tea for herself.”

Switch the person on the right with the one on the left to see how that affects our intuition. The son, the mother-in-law, the wife, and Ruchi as the askers. And what if we do not limit ourselves to an asker, and an asked? Increase the  number of people involved which increases the socio-cultural complexity? The husband asked the wife and her friends, or the wife asked the husband and his friends?

Or the other way around?!

The wife and her friends asked… The husband and his friends asked…

I took the position of a convoluted host and asked these questions to unsuspecting victims and the answers were… varied. The limitations of the word “apne” as a referential to a singular person were ignored and some believed it referred to women and some didn’t. Perhaps, the most enticing of all was the answer my father and all his friends gave where the self was referring to both the asker and the asked. The safest, politically correct and humble way to go. All included.

Like the philosophical question that keeps us up at night, it looks like the quest to find “self” is as never-ending and the answer as complex. And if you are a fan of language games, do try to figure out what self is for you in your language. As for me, I have given it up on time and others to decide for both selves to be described!